Baby FOUR
We were on our way to Sonic for a little drive-thru ice cream.
The second we arrived and I saw a photo of ice cream on the menu, I was disgusted. Sign #1: I love me some ice cream and wanted a cherry limeade instead.
That evening I fell asleep at 8:30pm. I hardly ever go to sleep earlier than 10pm. Maybe my thyroid medication was off. Sign #2.
The next day I was sitting on the couch with the boys and fell asleep (don't worry, Andrew was home.) But I'm the type of person that can't even nap so that was definitely Sign #3.
After putting all of this together and then waking up feeling sick, I just knew. Andrew went to the store and bought a couple tests.
It was the fastest positive pregnancy test I've ever taken.
I immediately started laughing and crying out of shock and thankfulness. We so desired a fourth baby. Instead of walking through all that "trying" entails this year, we actually started to plan a vasectomy. We needed to process the fact that our family was complete...or so we thought :)
I called my endocrinologist the same day. After having thyroid cancer and now being pregnant, I had to make sure my thyroid levels are where they need to be.
Since I'm now pregnant and considered "high risk" due to COVID-19, she said they didn't want me in the hospital for an ultrasound or heartbeat until 18 weeks. 18 weeks, guys....are you kidding me?!?! The thought of waiting 18 weeks was a big bummer. All I could do was trust...or at least try.
I wasn't very happy because I was extremely sick. To top it all off, I was dealing with the emotions of this past year, not being able to go anywhere because of dumb COVID-19, the constant bloodwork, and the thought in the back of my mind, "Am I even pregnant? Is my baby ok?"
Honestly, I wasn't that excited because it's hard to get excited when you don't know everything is ok. Just such weird timing.
Then I started feeling a little better around 9 weeks and that made me nervous. The only thing that had let me know I was pregnant before was my constant sickness. My belly started to get bigger to the point where I thought I might be further along than I had previously thought. I called the doctor and they said they wanted to see me!
I was so glad to get an ultrasound, actually see the baby, and hear the heartbeat.
Right when I got there and saw the baby, my heart accepted I was pregnant and I was SO excited and thankful. It was almost as if I was rejecting the idea of pregnancy because it "wasn't possible" or because "I had a miscarriage" or because "I wasn't feeling sick anymore." Without proof, it's hard to trust.
Which is so much like our faith, isn't it?
Sometimes it's hard having blind faith, but when you truly look around, you'll see His gracious hand in every area.
Anyways, the baby looked perfect, 175 heart rate (which is what Wesley had so I swear it's a boy) and I'm feeling so much better! Still nauseous and tired but nothing like the first couple months.
A lot of people have asked what this looks like now after having thyroid cancer. First, because of the treatment I received back in July, I had to wait a certain amount of time to even consider another baby because of what it did to my body. I won't go into all the details but I knew women could get pregnant after thyroid cancer but I had my doubts. I didn't think it was in the cards for us because of what I was experiencing.
All my doctors are amazing (OB, Family Med, and Endocrinologist) and I feel like I have a team of supportive and wonderful people walking this with me.
I get my bloodwork done every 3-4 weeks, have phone appointments, and just stay on top of how I'm feeling to make sure I'm doing everything I can. The rest is up to the Lord.
As far as finding out the gender, we totally are! At first I was planning a gender neutral nursery and just waiting it out. But then I started thinking, "this is my last baby and I want to go all out, dang it!" Most likely it'll be a boy, but if it is a girl I literally have NOTHING! Also, before we moved last year, I sold and gave away a ton of baby things thinking this wouldn't happen.
And here we are :)
We told the boys around week 6 because I was so sick and they needed an explanation on why mommy was running to the bathroom and laying on the couch all day. We sat them down and gave Nate a "big brother" shirt and sounded out the letters with Wesley. They're boys so they were super silly about the whole thing and would probably rather have a puppy at this point, but they're definitely excited now and want another "brudder."
Wesley and Andrew are team GIRL and me, Nate, and Reid, are team BOY. We'll see! Every day, Nate asks me if the baby is coming out while Wesley says "you're getting big!" Lots of funny comments that keep me going around here :)
Thank you again for all the support and encouragement. I know how it feels to be on the other side of things when life just flat out sucks and nothing is going the way you thought it would go. I understand feeling depressed and hopeless and angry with God's idea of a "good life."
All I can say is that there are a lot of great things and a lot of horrible things in life. Trusting in His sovereignty is all I can do sometimes. That and eat a bunch of cookies and ice cream.
xoxo
Nicole
